Lost & Found

"What's that?"

"I said, Sir, how may I help you?" The old man with the green eye shade and round rimless glasses sat behind the counter.

"What is this place?"

"It is one of the antechambers of Hell. Lost & Found, a service for the damned."

"Service? I did not know Hell provided services." Stagger Li was suspicious.

"Oh yes. Hell is a thriving business and like all businesses, it seeks to give the best possible service. For a profit, of course. All services of Hell require a reimbursement or it could not stay in operation. I gather since you are here, you have lost or found something?"

"I have found only aggravation since I entered your gates."

"I am afraid you cannot turn that in," said the wizened oldster. "It is yours and no one else's. No one turns in their aggravation anyway. Those who have it tend to keep it because it makes them feel alive."

"I do not mean I wish to turn it in," snarled Stagger, steely fire in his voice. "I am just answering your question." His eyes narrowed.

"I see you find aggravation invaluable." The whiskered geezer reached for his thermos and poured fresh splashes of coffee into his I (HEART) HELL cup. "It gives you that edge you have, and that self-righteousness that helps you do violence without remorse."

"I am not here for a philosophy lecture nor that self-help psychology junk your type peddles as wisdom. I am here to rescue two innocent children."

"Oh! Innocence! You have lost your innocence! My dear man, why didn't you say so immediately? Now I can help you."

An old fashioned black bakelite rotary dial phone on the counter rang. The creaky-boned clerk sighed, took a sip of his coffee and picked up the receiver. "Lost & Found. Yes. Yes. No. No. Okay. Bye."

He grinned at Stagger Li. "This is the fun part of my job. I get to tell you to go to Hell."

"What!?" glared Stagger Li.

"Hell. You must go through Hell. All lost innocence is snared in deepest Hell."