conning oneself into flict

Individual souls seem set on a course. Some are battling the same old hells over and over. Others are on a path of fairly continuous ascent. The battling occurs when one is a knot. A knot is a dogma of mind -- seeing the world in the same way all the time, thereby responding in the same way. When you are a knot, you think that other people are causing you to be this way, not recognizing that the helpless anger you feel is due to the knot you have adopted as your lifestyle and have become. To stay knotted, you have to scare yourself with fears, fear of what others will say ("friends" you have so carefully cultivated who love the "you" in knots), fear of the unfamiliar and the unknown, fear of losing this "you" you have so carefully knotted together over the years. When one is conflicted and angry, one lives in a world of conflict and anger. It even becomes an addiction -- feeling alive only when conflict and anger abound. One says that one does not want it but keeps calling it into life.A flamethrower is not necessary when a smile will do. Not that doggone Pollyanna smile either, but a smile in and of one's heart.